“When I have a panic attack it feels like _____.”
Only one tiny word alteration changes how this sentence will be perceived, either consciously or unconsciously. Behold:
“When you have a a panic attack it feels like _____.”
Take a moment and think how each sentence makes you feel. Take another moment to consider the language you typically use?
Up until a few years ago when I entered group and individual therapy this extreme difference had never really had never given me pause. I was guilty of using you statements instead of I statements. The difference just hadn’t occurred to me until it was pointed out.
Once it was pointed out to me the gravity of such a small difference began to sink in and I began to notice it everywhere; in movies, TV shows, interviews on the news, in writing and everyday speech.
Unwittinly and without malice, many people are guilty of projecting their views and feelings onto others. Doing this, instead of recognizing the need to assume all viewpoints are subject to the unique thoughts and paradigm of each individual, can have a powerful effect on our psyche as individuals.
As soon as I began to speak in I feel and in my experience type statements I began to notice significant and important changes in my interpersonal relationships. Others seemed more open to sharing their unique experiences and viewpoints. I also began to see my thoughts and opinions as important and, very much, my own, authentic.
If you haven’t already adopted this type of language shift I encourage you to give it a try. To start with, just listening to how others tell stories is helpful. Once the you epidemic is heard it can never be unheard and it is everywhere.
Try slowly shifting your language to embrace taking ownership of your opinions and ideas as uniquely yours. I found, for me, it took a while to adopt this virtually all the time but the sense of accomplishment and, overall sense of authentic me-ness was worth the effort!
Remember we cannot change the actions and words of others but we do have the power to change ourselves.
I challenge you to try practicing the above dearest readers and let me know how this change makes you feel or let me know if you think this is just psychobabble hogwash😉