Sometimes Things Are Just Things

It took my Grandfather years to downsize because he couldn’t part with his furniture. He’d come to so cherish his dining room suite because it had belonged to his parents and was gifted to him and my grandmother once they’d married and begun their own family.

I think he’d infused, confused, misplaced, the deep love he felt for his mother, who died when he was still a young man, into the furniture. The table and chairs didn’t replace his mother though. He couldn’t claim they loved him back but he couldn’t part with them because of the power he gave them.

I’ve been just as guilty, hanging on to pieces of my mother as though they’ll bring her back. The most important parts of our relationship are stored in my head, my heart, not in her opal ring or the wall hanging she made in a circular weaving class. These things don’t love me back but they make me feel closer to her in a way she didn’t intend. I gave these things their power over me. I gave them that intense hold that’s so often born of grief and good intentions.

Things can turn evil if we give them too much power, too much of ourselves, if we let them hold us back.

I’ve been listening to a lot of Dresden Dolls and Amanda Palmer’s solo work lately and her song, The Thing About Things, on her new album, There Will Be No Intermission, has had me thinking of the power we give things and how we often let what we own own us.

I’m down to one last thing I thought I was saving for the daughter I don’t have. It’s hard to let go. It’s hard to admit that my grad dress will never be pranced around in during dress-up or altered to fit my little girl as she goes off to a formal dance. It’s hard to admit that I’m not going to have a daughter the way I always thought I would. It’s just a dress. I’ve given it the power to bring me to tears about something that doesn’t exsist.

I’ll be working on letting things go, taking back the power I gave each piece. Taking back the power these things were never meant to have. Within my heart and head I have the real power to keep my precious memories safe.

Do you find you hang onto things? Have you ever given meaning or power to an item only to realize it’s how deep it’s got it’s claws in you? How do you go about letting go of things? I’d love to hear any comments you have.


Make Memories While You Can

I am missing my a lot Mom lately. Triggers are the beginning of the curling season, her birthday drawing closer, baking carrot cake with cream cheese icing, watching the first snowfall, and drinking from the Bette Midler mug she bought me after see the Divine Miss M in concert. 

My favorite sweater of my Mom’s and my well loved moccasins. 

When I miss her like this I try to gather her to me as best I can. I pull on the tatty old sweater my Grandmother knitted her years ago. It was my favorite thing to borrow when I got cold while visiting her and now it is mine.

I also pull on the moccasins she bought me for Christmas in Yellowknife when I was about 14. They have stretched perfect to fit my feet and still smell of that delicious, warm scent that goes along with tanned hide.

I cry a little and choke up a lot as I remember all the good times we shared. It sinks in, yet again, there will be no more chances for the two of us to make more memories together. 

I try to carry this knowledge with me when engaging with other loved ones. Make memories together now. Don’t waste time waiting for the perfect moment. The perfect moment is now. 

Get together, love each other.❤❤❤ Live as though there’s no time to spare because eventually there won’t be time to spare.